Confessions....

I want to look like the two skinny girls in the pool lane next to me today. I am pretty sure they have not given birth, let alone given birth to 6 children, but I still want to look like them. I also want to swim like them too. Now, not to cut myself short, I did swim straight for 55 minutes this morning and I am REALLY proud of that, but I want to be them. In all honesty, I can't remember a time in my life, with exception to the past two years, when I did not look to others and want to be like them. I suppose it is human nature to do that. To tell you the truth, the past two years have been the first time in my life that I have been REALLY happy with who I am, physically anyway . It hasn't been just a few months that those old unsettled, envious feelings have been creeping back in. I think it is because I am ready for more change. I am finally ready to get to that 100# loss that I have wanted, but not been willing to make the changes to get there. I am pretty sure that I won't ever quite look like those two athletic twigletts at the pool this morning, but I can get closer ;) Now for the REAL confession... I have full confidence that I can do it, but it makes me nervous, I am scared of it. I am not sure what about it frightens me, but it does. I need to think about it more and figure it out. Losing the 100#'s will take me back to my "sophomore in college" weight, really close to the freshman year and high school weights. Hmmm.... I wonder what my deal is??? Could I be really that afraid of Fabulous Me??? Maybe deep down I think I will go back to the moron I was in college and high school? Now that IS something to be scared of!